I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
