So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
