we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.