I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
