Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.

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  (212): They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning. http://tfl.nu/4eyl
  Replies (3) Good night (1457) Bad night (497)
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  (718): View more from New York

  You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.

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  (718): You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants. http://tfl.nu/n5jd
  Replies (11) Good night (2127) Bad night (792)
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  (760): View more from California

  I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work

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  (760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart (508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work http://tfl.nu/sac2
  Replies (15) Good night (7435) Bad night (817)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now

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  (928): i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now http://tfl.nu/zt2g
  Replies (19) Good night (570) Bad night (5526)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours

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  (484): we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours http://tfl.nu/cvkh
  Replies (23) Good night (6819) Bad night (936)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

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  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6821) Bad night (1351)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

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  (774): Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n (617): Why am I even shocked you're doing this.... http://tfl.nu/y7yp
  Replies (11) Good night (6175) Bad night (1058)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

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  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
  Replies (19) Good night (15293) Bad night (1928)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out

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  (540): You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out http://tfl.nu/n0iw
  Replies (9) Good night (939) Bad night (3515)
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  (619): View more from California

  why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu

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  (619): why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu http://tfl.nu/w1ae
  Replies (6) Good night (1807) Bad night (1321)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.

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  (806): Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit. http://tfl.nu/v64d
  Replies (5) Good night (895) Bad night (2311)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I could have done it in 2

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  (917): Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts. (978): I could have done it in 2 http://tfl.nu/64hz
  Replies (8) Good night (3192) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.

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  (512): Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??" (1-512): Yeah no more flaming everclear shots. http://tfl.nu/vc2f
  Replies (10) Good night (870) Bad night (1468)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  How's dating the med student working out for you?

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  A true anatomy project.

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  (414): How's dating the med student working out for you? (715): After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was. (414): A true anatomy project. http://tfl.nu/in9w
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (293)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby

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  (403): Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby http://tfl.nu/ngks
  Replies (0) Good night (210) Bad night (345)

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