there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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