Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.