i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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