I was born with a shot glass in my hand
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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