he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
