He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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