I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
