Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
