i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
