I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize