How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
