Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize