James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
