I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
