At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he shaved USA in his pubs
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
