by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
