Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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