ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
