you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
