i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
