If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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