For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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