I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this boner is exhausting
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
