Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
