a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
