I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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