On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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