I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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