this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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