Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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