He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize