Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm really busy with my period
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