Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
