You're my little dorito
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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