How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
