Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
how drunk are you?
Several
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
