He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
