Jerry, you need to find god
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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