I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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