Buhtt sex?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
