he puts the penis in happiness.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
