you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
