i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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