I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
