i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
