I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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