I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
