his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
