Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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