I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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