I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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