I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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