i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
