she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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