im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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