We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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