I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
