awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
