Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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