They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
