oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
