I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
