You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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