so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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