DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
