.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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