Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My feet surprised me
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