My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
