There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
