I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
