Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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