its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The adults are the big ones right?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
