if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
