i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
