Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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