How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I die, sorry about rent.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
