The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
