I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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