Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
