Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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