I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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