When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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