i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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