Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
