I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
