You just made me feel so damn special
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Bring me that man meat
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
