I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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