Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
